Ask, Tell, Do, Review: Four Pillars of Communication for Clients and Massage Therapists

As a client, do you feel there is a communication gap that has become standard in the massage industry? Do you feel that you are not being heard because you are not getting the help you need? Or as a therapist, do you feel unsure about your level of responsibility in acquiring information from your clients? Do you assume that they will always tell you what they need?

To Therapists: Make sure that you don’t lose the thread during the session especially if your client likes to chat.  When your client arrives and shares what she needs worked, try to memorize her list.  During the massage, check in with yourself to make sure you’re on track with how the time should be distributed for all pain points.  If your client is vague upon arrival or says she is feeling pretty well, ask her to name the top three areas she needs massaged today and give her the time she needs to answer.  Also, check in occasionally to ask how the work is feeling for your client.  This shows that you are staying focused, and it gives her the opportunity to offer new information.

To Clients: Be mindful that your therapist can read your body to a certain degree, but she cannot read your mind.  If you are on the table hoping that she will think of what you need or remember everything you requested upon arrival, stop hoping and start talking.  Therapists like communication from clients about what they need on the table.  You rightly stated needing neck and back work when you were questioned, but you forgot to mention that your knee was hurting last week.  If you just remembered it now and you know there is ample time left in your session, please speak up. 

We can’t know what you don’t share.  Yes, it is true that therapists can feel tight spots, but that doesn’t mean we know to work that knee if nothing was mentioned about it.  Some areas of the body hold their secrets well and can’t be felt by hands (i.e. a torn labrum in the hip socket).  But if your therapist knows the back story, she can determine associated areas to work that might reduce direct or referred pain.  For example, tight quadriceps can be pulling on your knee, but your therapist won’t likely work them if she was told that you only need upper body work today.

To Therapists: At the end of every massage session, ask your client, “What can I do either the same or differently next time?  Is there an area I didn’t work today that you would like me to remember for your next session?”  This gives your client an opportunity to tell you how she really feels without it seeming like she is complaining.  This inquiry is usually met with praise – which is great.  But showing that you are open to constructive suggestions makes you the very person she wants to see next time because it strengthens trust.  Let your client know she has been heard and thank her for the input.

If you are not in the habit of writing session notes, try to find a system that will work for you even if you have limited time.  I write full notes after every massage.  They help me to write plans for the following session and remember what treatments have worked particularly well for my client in past sessions.  If your clinic is not set up for that, keep recipe cards in an alphabetical file so that you can at least jot a note by hand of something you want to remember for each client’s next massage. Even things like, "always wants the table warmer set on low" can go a long way.

To Clients: If you are disappointed with your massage for any reason, there are good and bad ways to handle it.  An ineffective way is to attempt to drop a hint which can come across as passive-aggressive, especially when done through tip reduction (if applicable) without communication.  Oftentimes, your therapist will not know what went wrong so it is possible that what displeased you could happen again in your next session.  Despite the discomfort of constructive criticism, she would much prefer your gentle and honest suggestion of how she can improve upon that day’s work.  This ultimately benefits you because now you are certain that your therapist understands your preferences rather than hoping she will figure it out.

In Summary: The best thing a therapist can do for her clients is to always keep their best interests at heart. Those interests might vary with regard to preferences, but clients are looking for pain relief. The way to achieve that is to ask, tell, do and review. It sounds obvious, but when a client has been with you for years, it is easy to get into the habit of repeating routines and taking for granted that nothing has changed. The best way to show that you care is to stay curious, focused and humble.

The best thing a client can do for herself is to be clear about her goals each session. Yes, your therapist wants to help you and wants to keep you as her client, but familiarity can breed chumminess that might cause her to become distracted. You, too, can ask, tell, do and review. Finding a good therapeutic therapist can be difficult. If you have found one that checks nine of ten boxes, discuss the missing tenth before searching elsewhere. She should respect your wishes.

Please notice the comment section below. Massage clients and therapists would like to know what helpful advice you can give to other readers with regard to ask, tell, do and review. Please keep it respectful and thank you for your contribution to this topic.